Carta al loco de amor,

At the end, it is simple, “The feeling”, I mean; this very feeling I am having, it is simple, and it may actually kind of stink a really big deal, but it is not a complex one this time, it is, at the end, very damn simple!

I have to say, I feel grateful for that…

“The feeling” caught me quite unaware this time, it passed by, as usual, in the shape of a hungry hurricane. A deep-dark skinned, voracious hurricane with the most beautiful tender eyes… a devastating drag of the freshest of airs… blowing away my masks.

All the structures of my fears, all the gardens of my so many facades; shattered now, devastated. I feel exposed, belly up, flipped up and kicking like a tiny helpless beetle, soft-side-up. All the quiet and stillness which I so conscientiously, religiously cultivate in my inner gardens… which I have so conscientiously and religiously been shaping up and watering, for quite a few long and lonely years now… all of that is darkness to me now, and in this darkness I have dwelled, and in it I do still dwell, but it all just doesn´t appear solid, or tangible, or real to me anymore.

I have been living in darkness, I´ve come to know the depths, and until now, it has been good, but the time has come for the wheel to spin and deep inside I am begining to feel the need to gravitate out of the darkness and into the silly, cold, light... I hear the calling of the real coming from the other side from where I stand… I have heard it for a while now, I have longed and craved for it for some time and you, oh, you, the way I see it, have been some sort of guide, for I know where you dwell, I do, you belong in the light, you have accepted it, you are now part of it, just as much as I am not… not a tad less, not a tad more. That’s exactly what you have to give, and that’s exactly what I have to give: a very bizarre form of balance, but a balance nonetheless…

... and balance I appreciate a lot, but I have this almost tragic feeling that you do not… this is, yet, another kind of balance in itself, but not to my favor I´m afraid… not this time… and it is ok, such is life.

The truth is, I am not sure, I am not sure of what you feel and I am not sure of anything, but I am sure of this: you got my blood pumping… you´ve made me feel, you´ve made me hurt, you´ve made me breath fresh, real air and you wouldn´t know, but believe me, it´s been long since I didn´t, and I thank you for that, and I touch your feet, for you are a teacher to me, and a friend, right here, right now.

Whatever may come, I thank you

Yours,

Feuertrunken!